Sweet Illusions

Sending in an application can be quite satisfying; you feel like a productive citizen.

The other day I was looking for a quote in Milan Kundera's 'The Joke'. I read it when I was about 20 and I used to put loads of quotes from it on my wall. I was trying to remember this one quote and where it was in the book and I flicked to the right page pretty much straight away. Anyway, the quote - "Submitting to a generation mentality (to this pride of the herd) has always repelled me" - struck with me at the time and I had it pinned to my bedroom door (at 8 Pickmere Road). I remember my housemate noticing it, and with disgust directed towards the statement, stated that the Bible was based on such an ideal. I swelled with pride; not only for my ability to offend a fellow Christian (even I had a strong sense of reverence towards the Church and God back then), but the idea that I contradicted the Bible so unthinkingly. I hadn't done it on purpose, the statement just echoed with me, and I couldn't help but feel a sense of relief that I would always be on the outside of the world my housemate inhabited. The Bible, the text of our faith, which I read with a hollowness in my heart: I contradicted it. What an achievement! I hadn't done much to offend anyone (on the contrary, I desperately wanted to be liked), and by this sweet accusation (to clarify, there was no malice intended by the accusor, more a point of debate), I felt validated as an individual.