Sunday, July 27, 2008

Lessons in liberty

Travelling seems to be an idea of yourself - how your imprint looks on another alien place.

The Russian air-con whirs so violently that we have to leave it on the fan setting. This in itself is a distracting noise and the novel that has gripped me all afternoon has been placed by my side due to the disturbance.

Santiago is a place that tests you. It can bring out the best and worst. Touts can be young or old and are shameless in selling you a product or merely the story of their poverty. Growing tired of the constant shouts, i found relief in the internet - my first indulgence in four weeks of travelling through Cuba. Sending a brief email to my father - quickly finding nostalgia in recent events, notably our truck journey to Santiago along the coast - and a few messages to friends has me shedding a few tears and my chest is full of comfort. It's what i needed, and it enables me - knowing that I'm loved and not just a "walking ATM machine" as an Israeli traveller described it - to understand better who i am here. At times, just for sheer difference, i answer 'yes' to the shouts of 'taxi' or indulge my victimhood by snidely barraging them with my own rant - "Sunglasses? Two dollars?" The man waves me away and i get some brief satisfaction that he may have got the message, or maybe seen things from my perspecive. It's petty and arrogant, but it makes me feel better. Not that everyone who is poor or just looking to make a quick buck from naive tourists belittles themselves to the same cliches. There's a lovely exchange Sally has with a beautiful old lady smoking a fat cigar, and after telling her that she dances in one of the local clubs, the two of them salsa in the square. But this is, ofcourse, only possible because she speaks Spanish. I don't, and it's an embarrassment I've been carrying round for four weeks. Fascinated by its history, I thought about the trip eight months ago - plenty of time to take a Spanish course, and at least give it a decent bash. But instead, I've simply asked for a few tips from my girlfrien and fumbled through with a phrasebook. In truth, I've relied far too heavily on her and I've had to admit to myself that it's limited my experience. Even if i accept that my Spanish is poor to non-existent, my effort at times has matched my skill. As she continues to tell me, the only way to learn is to be shameless. I tell myself that on my return I'll make a proper effort to learn and on our next visit i'll be much braver but it's a kop out and i know it.